I just threw up on my dentist
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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