Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
