i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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