oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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