ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
