god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
