Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
