I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
