sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
