No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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