If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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