i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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