I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize