you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
