I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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