tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
