I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
