so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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