my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
