So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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