not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
