my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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