just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
