I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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