U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
