I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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