Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everclear isn't food dammit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
