Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
