y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
