You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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