Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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