I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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