haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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