My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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