i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
