I wish I could teleport
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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