I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
