The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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