My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
