I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
