# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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