dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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