VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
