then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
