my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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