my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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