Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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