3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
