I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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