I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My bed smells like the plague
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize