You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
