Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
