i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
