you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize