that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
