You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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