she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
