Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
