Yo dont text me then not text me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
