would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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