Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize