at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
