as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
