you guys were way drunker than both of me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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