He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize