just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
