sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
