Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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