I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
