dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
