apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
