seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
splinters make it hard to masturbate
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
