i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
