so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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