But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
