please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
