I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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